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Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Welcome
Cool Down
“So how was it?” I asked. Knowing full well what childbirth was all about…confusion, mind searing pain and hopefully a good aftermath.
“You have to be kidding” she responded, and she gave me a look that only a mother could give.
“Yeah” I said, “my first wife almost died giving birth to my son while I was standing in a corner in the room, so I understand a little about process, but I’m glad that you’re OK. What can I do for you?”
“I’d die for a Coke.”
“Um…I can’t do that” I replied “I’d be in big trouble if I did. I could put in a word about an extra Jello cup.”
“You have that kind of pull here…an extra Jello cup” she asked?
“Well not me” I answered, “but Sheri could pull some strings for you…maybe even get you some extra broccoli.”
“Yuck” she said “why would you do that to me?’
“Cause I can” I laughed.
“Your wife is nice…she stopped by a while ago…just to say hi and see how things were going.”
“Well I told her you were here, and since she does rounds in the hospital anyway she told me that she’d check up on you. Since we both have a lot invested in you.”
“Invested in me…what does that mean?” Mary asked.
“Let me put it this way” I began, “Sheri can tell when we’ve interacted, because you usually drive me nuts…thus she’s put up with you too…in a nondirect way of course.”
“But I’m glad she came to see you.” I said.
“Drive you crazy” she said, “I think that you should look in the mirror before you accuse other people of that. Will, you can drive a person nuts yourself you know. Anyway, your wife is awesome and it was nice that she’d take the time to stop in to talk to me and see how she could help.”
“She didn’t happen to mention any dinner plans did she” I asked?
Mary thought to herself and replied “No, but that means that you forgot!”
“God Will…you forgot your plans for dinner with your wife” Mary asked?
“Hey, don’t look so happy” I shot back.
Mary got a delighted look on her face… “You were telling the truth, you really are a screw up aren’t you?”
I smiled and turned towards the door, “No extra jello for you today.”
The Final Round
“You’re home for a while then” she said?
“Yeah, every now and then I get tired of sitting in airports and sleeping in strange places so I come home for a bit” I joked.
“Where were you this time” she asked?
“
She was more talkative than she had ever been since I’d met her, so I decided to get to the point and ask her about her sessions with Kate.
“That guy that does the posters” she asked?
“Gary…the illustrator…yes. He’ll be coming through town on the way to
“That would be cool” she replied, “I’d like to do that…you know, for a job.”
“How are you and Kate getting along” I asked?
“She’s nice, and she helps me with Mom and stuff.”
“And how is that going” I asked?
“Mom went with me to see Kate this last time, and at first it was hard to have her there…but Kate got Mom to talk about when she had me and my brother and what she’s been through. I didn’t know…and I felt bad for her…you know, that Mom took that all on.”
I nodded, not knowing what to say.
“Kate’s helped because Mom and I don’t fight anymore…I guess we’ve got more important things to do.”
I started to laugh and it took Mary by surprise since it should have been a solemn moment I suppose.
“What are you laughing at” she asked?
“Just at the wisdom beyond your years that just came out of your mouth” I answered.
“Most people never understand what a waste of energy fighting with another human being is…especially with family.”
“I guess you’re right” she said.
“Oh I know I’m right because I’ve been guilty of it in the past” I said.
“You” she said incredulously?
“I’m guilty of a lot of things” I replied, “And I’ve failed people in the past far more than you ever will from what I can see of you.”
“Wow, I never thought I’d hear you say that” she said. “You, a failure?”
“Sometimes it’s the problems in life that define us Mary…the overcoming of those failures. It forms us into the person that we’d rather be. Failure isn’t a bad thing I guess, but you have to act upon it to correct it. Understand?”
“I guess so, but being pregnant is.”
I interrupted her because in that split second I could finally see her clearly in my mind, without the interference of the past that I had brought to the table.
“Mary, you being pregnant isn’t a failure, it’s just a fact. Where you go from here is for you to decide…what I’m saying is, you define yourself and build off the past, and if you make a choice to be different…that’s a positive step that you can be in control of.”
“The failure would be not to realize that you can be different…and if I implied that in the past…then I owe you an apology.”
She didn’t say anything for a while and just stared at me.
“Maybe you should see Kate too” she said.
I smiled and my mind floated back to a car ride I took with a priest friend of mine out to a cemetery…”I have a guy I can go to” I replied. “Finish your spring roll.”
Round 7
“I’m really nervous about this” she told her mother “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“All you have to do is talk about this” her mother told her.
“But it’s so…you know.”
“What? Embarrassing for you? I was pregnant with you when I was sixteen.”
I sat back in my seat and could hardly believe what I was hearing out of Mary’s mother as we sat in the Planned Parenthood waiting room.
”Let’s just wait for the counselor” I suggested “and we can all relax at that point.”
“I don’t even know why you’re here” Mary’s mother commented as she stared at me “we can get through this ourselves.”
I wanted to say that I was there to try to break a pattern of poverty but I bit my tongue and just took the shot, simply smiling and nodding passively.
“Mary asked me to be here…and what the heck…what did I have to do on a Saturday other than this” I replied.
I continued to flip through a two year magazine as we waited for the counselor and finally we were called into a small office.
“Hi my name is Nicole and I’m here to help you in your decisions” said the cheery twenty something that met us at the door.
“I’m so glad to meet all of you” she went on as we entered the room.
“So you are Mary and you’re the mother and you’re the father…and that’s great that the whole family is together in this to make decisions” she babbled on, “lots of times we don’t get family support.”
At that point I could have strangled our “counselor” but I simply told her that I was just a friend that was there to support Mary and I would appreciate being “not” a part of the family.
“So you have no legal authority” she asked?
“No” I replied, “none whatsoever.”
“Why are you here then sir” she asked?
Mary finally chimed in and told the counselor that she had asked me to sit in the session and I promised just to remain quiet and just be there for support.
After sitting quietly and listening to the pregnancy counselor and all her options, we left the place and I wanted to say something immediately in the parking lot, but I chose a wiser course and told Mary that we’d talk again later. Maybe over lunch at Malik’s place, another ethnic place that I’ve been to enough to be a regular and thus have the reputation as a nice guy who if seen with a pregnant teenager, wouldn’t be the primary suspect.
“Did this help you” I asked her?
“I guess so” she said.
“Adoption” I asked?
“That and the other option” she said.
“What other option” I asked?
“Abortion…you were in there with us!”
“Yeah I was there, and I heard the option, and it’s your choice in the end.”
“But it could end here, and my life would be back to normal’ she said.
“Mary, you’re past the point of no return in this thing, and regardless of your choices no one is getting out of this without harm. That’s just the way it is. I think the point is to do as little harm as possible at this point.”
She got my point and we agreed to meet again before she made a decision, and I prayed that she’d keep the date.
And so the ultimate solution had reared it’s head and I simply saw a scared kid who wanted desperately to return to normal, except I knew that abortion is anything but a return to normal, as most women that have them later come to regret them and the guilt…well…we all know where that leads.
Round 6
“Eww! What is that?” she asked.
She was looking at a bowl of steaming
“Its food” I responded “get over it.”
“You didn’t order me that did you?”
“No, I told them to bring you the tripe” and at that I had to chuckle at the look on her face.
As soon as I’d said that her lunch appeared which was a delicious looking Vietnamese version of a hero sandwich which consisted of grilled pork, onions and peppers.
“This is a sandwich” she bluntly stated.
“I thought that you might be more comfortable with a familiar format since this is your first visit to My Canh” I said. “If you want some dipping sauce just tell Trinh and she’ll be happy to get some for you.”
As I tore up some licorice basil leaves into my soup and pondered the choices of nuoc cham on the table that day she continued with her objections as to my choice of restaurant that day.
“Why would you even think of eating in a place like this?” she asked.
“Take one bite out that sandwich and I think you’ll understand” I responded.
She went on complaining “This place smells like…like.”
“It smells like fish sauce…nuoc mam in Vietnamese. It’s very potent but you get used to it and eventually come to like it. It’s an acquired taste.”
“So how do you know so much about Chinese food?” she asked.
“Vietnamese food…don’t call it Chinese because it’s completely different…please.”
“OK, OK, Vietnamese food, why are you so picky?”
“I’m not, the people that own this restaurant are, and the owner is standing over your shoulder right now” I said. “Trinh, meet Mary, Mary …Trinh. Sorry for bringing a heathen into paradise, and hey, thanks for the squid.”
“No problem Will, we know you like the eight legged protein” Trinh joked. “Someday we’ll get you to eat the pho tai sach.”
“Tripe? No way in hell” I responded and with that Trinh smacked me on the back of the head.
“You are the 80% gourmet Will” Trinh laughed, “and we’ll always be here for you to take you the rest of the way.”
“So he eats here a lot?” Mary asked Trinh?
“Will is a regular customer from long ago” Trinh replied, “he’s been with us from the beginning and my brother and I broke him of his addiction to fried chicken and hamburgers years ago.”
“Very funny” I replied as Trinh smacked me again.
Trinh went on to explain “when my family and I first moved here we opened a little café and he was one of our first…well…local customers, and my brother and I refined his taste in food to the point that he can’t live without us anymore.”
“It’s your mother that I can’t live without” I replied, “and her tenderloin and carrot stew. By the way where is she?” I asked.
“In the kitchen as always” Trinh replied, “you should go say hello and tell her how that marriage is going Will…she was worried about you for a while…she thought about hooking you up with my cousin once.”
Trinh laughed at the thought and told me that she’d watch over Mary so I ventured back to the kitchen to say hello to her mother, who was wielding a huge cleaver as she expertly cut up a pork shoulder for the grill.
“Danh tur! No one tells me that you here…you try this…you try this.”
She motioned to a plate that held a few narrow spring rolls with what looked like a new dipping sauce.
I dipped the spring roll into the sauce and bit off an end, and the most incredible shrimp taste filled my mouth followed by the most incredible burning sensation I had ever tasted.
“Shrimp mousse roll with chili” Trinh’s mother said.
My eyes were watering from the heat and Trinh’s mother gave me that “I got you” raised eyebrow look and spooned me a lychee to kill the heat while saying “I work on that for menu, what you think?”
Blinded by the heat I nodded my head and left the kitchen to finish lunch and my conversation with Mary.
When I returned Trinh took one look at me and said, “Oh no, she didn’t get you to eat those did she?”
I just nodded as Trinh returned to the kitchen to apparently have a good laugh with her mother about the idiot that would eat anything…well anything but tripe.
Mary had made progress on her sandwich and was impressed by the quality of the food. “This is good” she said’ and your friend is really nice. You brought me here for a reason, right?’
“I brought you here to see that you’ll have to adapt to the unfamiliar, and I
also wanted you to see real family…because this is the real deal. You see that kid playing over there? She’s Trinh’s daughter, and the people in the kitchen are Trinh’s parents and the reason that they’re happy is that they have family.”
“Mary, you are about to enter into the most challenging period of your life and I know something about it…because I’m a father and I entered into it on the best of terms and was still overwhelmed by it all. You are entering into this thing alone and you have just your mother for support.”
“So I hope that you see the support that family can give, and I hope that you can accept the fact that your life is going to be very different from now on. Eat the rest of your sandwich.”
“Is that really squid?” she asked.
“You want to try some?” I said.
“Yeah…I guess I could try.”
Round 5
“How was your weekend” she asked me as we sat across the table from one another?
“Great” I said, “I went fishing and it was relaxing.”
“Fishing?”
“Yeah” I said, “I do that from time to time…fish. You throw a hook in the water and you see what bites…or what doesn’t. It’s a lot like dating, which frankly I’m glad to be rid of.”
She sat in her chair and didn’t get the joke, and once again I knew I was in for a rough session with her.
“Why do people fish when they could just go to the store and buy fish?” she asked.
“Only people that haven’t fished in their life ask that question” I said. “If you tried fishing you might understand.”
“That’s stupid” she said, “to go out and kill things.”
“That’s the nature of life…you sustain yourself off the hierarchy of life that’s available for you.”
“What did you have to eat this morning?” I asked her.
“I had MacDonald’s.”
“And nothing died in that scenario?’ I responded.
“If you call an unfertilized egg dead” she said.
I had to laugh because it was the perfect comeback. She had me.
“I’ve never seen you laugh before” she said.
“Really, because I’m a pretty happy guy.”
“Not with me you’re not” she shot back.
“I suppose that’s the truth” I said” but truth be told…I have never been as angry with anyone in my life as I am with you. You should have known better. You should not be here sitting in front of me. You’re smarter than this, and I can tell.”
“I’m a good student, a good person and you should see that” she said as the tears started to flow.
“That’s what I don’t understand” I told her, “How you could put yourself in this position, and why we’re sitting here now. I don’t get it given the fact that you just made a biologically accurate egg joke.”
“I learned that in science class, and I know that you were a scientist once.”
“I appreciate that’ I told her “and thanks for thinking of me.”
“Can you really help me? Because you’re the only person that really takes the time to hear me anymore. My mother just yells or isn’t there, and the counselor at school has written me off already.”
“Its up to you” I said “but I’ll try to help if I can.”
We talked for a while longer about her options and about more importantly her baby’s options.
“I never thought I’d see you laugh” she said.
“Stranger things” I said. “Stranger things.”
Round 4
“So you’re back again…I’m surprised actually, after our last session.”
She glared at me and if looks could kill I wouldn’t be writing this.
“And where is the father?” I asked.
At that she lowered her glance and for the first time since we had met I felt a little sorry for her because I knew if the father didn’t show at the next meeting that it would prove that I was right about him and that she was wrong. And I wanted to be proved wrong in that.
“He had to work” she said, and again she didn’t make eye contact.
“OK, lets move on from there” I replied, “and lets sort this pact out ourselves because I feel bad about how we left things last time we met.”
“I’m a guy that never got a girl pregnant until I was thirty four and to tell you the truth, this whole thing just pisses me off so badly that I can’t believe that I’m sitting here talking to you. There…it’s off my back, I said it, so now at least I can move on.”
“I mean, when I was a teenager it was pointed out to me that education was the primary motivation…not children. I took that to heart and now what I’m doing? Sitting down with you.”
“I don’t want to be here either” she shot back.
“So why are you?” I asked.
“Because I need a person to talk to” she said, and at that she started crying.
“I don’t want this to happen to me” she blurted out.
I sighed and slumped back in my chair because I realized that she had finally come to terms with the reality of the situation in front of her.
I handed her a tissue and waited for her to gain her breath before continuing.
“No one will talk to me anymore” she said, “It’s as if I don’t have any friends.”
“What do you mean…they won’t talk to you anymore?” I asked.
“My friends, the people that I used to hang out with, …they act like I don’t exist now, and I have to talk to someone.”
“Mary” I asked “how do you see yourself?”
“As you were before or as you are now?”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“You’ve changed” I replied “Because you’re pregnant, and because most kids of your age understand that’s a bad choice. What do you want me to tell you? That life’s all cherries and roses? You’re pregnant!”
“Sheesh!”
For once she didn’t have a comeback, and she sat there in her chair deflated, and the thought that I’d pushed her too far popped into my head.
“Are you alright?” I asked her.
“Are you alright?”
“Why are you talking to me?” she asked.
“Because I have nothing to gain or to loose in all of this” I replied.
“I am simply here.”
“So you’re not my friend?” she said.
“That’s up to you.”
“If you want a friend in all of this…I told Steve that I’d be there for you. But it’s up to you, and you have to make a call…because I see this going nowhere without a commitment from you.”
“And why are you doing this for me? What do you get out of this?” she asked.
I thought back to when I was sixteen and immediately had an answer.
“I could have been where you are now, admittedly on the other side of the gender spectrum…but dealing with the same problem.”
“So I’ll support you in any intelligent choice that you make, and I’ll criticize any stupid choice you make. How’s that?”.
She finally said OK.
Round 3
She sat in front of me, silent and clutching the crumpled piece of paper that I had given her the last time we talked. She had that look that a student does when they walk into the office to talk about their latest poor grade on a project.
“Why did you bring that back today” I asked her?
“I wanted to know if this was all the truth” she responded “or if you were trying to scare me.”
“Both” I said, “Are you scared yet?”
“I was scared when this first happened and it’s not getting any better. Especially with you. Steve told me that you were a nice person and he lied to me, you’re not good at all! Some friend you are!”
“Well that’s all true” I said, “as a researcher I wouldn’t lie to you, I just thought you should know the facts and we could go from there. Researchers always want to know the facts before jumping off a cliff. And as for me being a nice person, don’t think that I’m going to roll over for you and help you out of the goodness of my heart.”
She held up the crumpled piece of paper and told me that what was written there wasn’t her, that she was going to overcome the adversity and succeed, but she wasn’t certain how.
“So how involved is the father of the child in all this…because it seems to me that you’re sitting here with an admitted jackass of a stranger and shouldn’t he be here to protect you from reality and or me?”
“The fact is that you’re alone in all this and the fact that he hasn’t shown his face is telling…you do know who the father is don’t you?”
“Hell yeah I know who it is you bastard” she yelled back, “Are calling me a slut?”
“Then where is he?”
“Where is this father of your child?”
“Is he going to support you and the baby or is he going to disappear into the shadows like all the rest of the teenage fathers out there? Hell, you probably wouldn’t even sue him for child support if you had the chance…since you ‘love him” and all. Where is this Romeo anyway?”
“He’s going to support us” she shot back.
“Yeah, right. And you’re here facing me by yourself without mister wonderful. Next time why don’t you bring the little prick with you so we can all sit down and talk about this and then we’ll all know just how committed he is to this whole program.”
The tears welled up in her eyes and then suddenly something unexpected spewed forth from her…
“Your son said you were hard.”
“Really…” I said, “And you’ve met my son?”
I thought back about my son had been, and when and then realized that they might have met at the Saturday nights that Steve opens up the church to the neighborhood kids. My son sometimes goes there to hang out with his friends in the International Baccalaureate program because it’s a safe place to be on a Saturday and his friends are more into where they are going to escape to college rather than where they are going to score their next joint.
“So what did Colin have to say about me?”
She paused and I could see that she was choosing her words at that point.
“He said that you were a good guy…but that you didn’t ‘suffer idiots’…those are his words.”
The words rang in my ears as I reflected back on some of my conversations with my son, usually that occurred on my front porch in the evenings after he had been sent over by his mother for some infraction of the rules of life and we usually talked about mutual respect for people around you. Mutual respect comes in all forms and a lot of it stems out of not being an idiot when it comes to someone else’s life. With my son it’s about wet towels on the bathroom floor, and the fact that he has yet to find the dishwasher with a dirty plate…both of which drive the people around him crazy. You live with other people all your life, and one of life’s lessons is that you respect the people around you.
I had driven that into my son from an early age and it seemed to be working for us…although lately I had begun to wonder if I was really reaching him with the message. Then Mary reaffirmed me with the statement…”you don’t suffer idiots”.
“I’m a good guy huh” I replied, “I would have thought that he would have said something different since he still has no privileges after that D in Spanish last semester.”
“He said that you’re a hard ass…but he said that you loved him.”
I smiled at that, that my kid would certainly identify me as a lovable administrator of justice and simultaneously label me a “hard ass”.
“I think that we’re done here” I told Mary, “I have the urge to go hug my son.”
Round 2
It was obvious to me that Mary and weren’t going to be friends in the near future so I did a little homework into the statistics of being pregnant and simultaneously a teenager. Even I was shocked at the grime picture that the numbers painted.
A new analysis from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy shows that teen childbearing (teens 19 and younger) in
The costs of childbearing are greatest for younger teens. In
Nearly 80 percent of fathers of children born to teen mothers do not marry the mothers. These fathers pay less than $800 annually in child support, often because they are quite poor themselves. Since child support can be an important source of income for poor children— accounting for 23 percent of the family income among those families who do receive child support— children born to young fathers are at further disadvantage.
This left Mary to fund $3438 on her own, while going to school full time…which she told that she was committed to…right. Which meant that her mother, a single parent who was herself an unwed teen mother would have to pick up the slack while working a menial job herself.
Two-thirds of families begun by young unmarried mothers are poor.
Almost one-half of all teen mothers and over three quarters of unmarried teen mothers began receiving welfare within five years of the birth of their first child.
Teen mothers are less likely to complete the education necessary to qualify for a well-paying job —only 40 percent of mothers who have children before age 18 ever graduate from high school compared with about three-quarters of similarly situated young women who delay childbearing until age 20 or 21. Furthermore, less than two percent of mothers who have children before age 18 complete college by the age of 30 compared to nine percent of young women who wait until age 20 or 21 to have children. This disparity in education, not surprisingly, tends to affect income level. In fact, over the past 20 years the median income for college graduates has increased 19 percent while the median income for high school dropouts has decreased 28 percent.
Virtually all of the increase in child poverty between 1980 and 1996 was related to the increase in nonmarital childbearing, and half of never-married mothers begin their childbearing as teens.
I knew that this kid was in trouble when I met her the first time but I had a deep down gut feeling that neither of us knew the extent of her problems when we signed onto this uneasy partnership, so I decided to just lay the facts out for her. Statistics are just that…cold numbers that simply predict the general trend, and it was going to be up to her to transcend those numbers. But she had to be hit over the head with them so she knew that the odds were. And so once again I was going to be the uncaring asshole and she was going to be the belligerent child who happened to be with child.
“I’m going to put some facts in front of you Mary and I want you to read them to me” I said.
“I want you to know where you are in the scheme of things and exactly what can be expected of you…statistically.”
Mary didn’t even get through the first paragraph before she started with the whole litany of how I didn’t know her…how she was different from “those” pregnant teenagers.
“Statistics don’t lie” I told her.
“That’s you… there in those facts.”
“You don’t even know me” she responded defiantly.
“I don’t have to… it’s all right there in front of you. That’s what happens to girls in your situation most of the time. That’s what statistics are all about. They predict that happens to… most people.”
“To most people”
“You could be different… but it’s going to take you on a different path. One that you never saw for yourself.”
“Read the rest of it to me out loud” I said.
She read through the tears, the rest of the smattering of the horrors that awaited her and then she sat silent.
“I guess we’re done then?” I said.
“I wish we were” she answered, “but Steve told me that you’d help, and so far you’ve been horrible. What makes you think that you could know me, judge me?”
“Hey, you can walk out on this whenever you like” I told her, “I’m doing this because Steve asked me to, because he thought you could use a friend.”
“Some friend you are” she responded.
My Mary Christmas
Sorry I haven’t been able to write much lately…but my problem is that I’ve had to write too much lately…ironic huh?
The people that I work for have radically changed the format of the scope of work that I do for them and therefore, it has involved my having to write chapter after chapter of change and do some pretty deep research to go forward into the next two years worth of contracts. Good thing is…it’s been good to redefine myself and the company, and even better to have narrowed the focus of what I do; and it’s even better that in the face of a 35% budget cut by said company…I still do have a contract. So I can eat…yippie!
But on to more Christmasy things…
I repeated my holiday buying for kids that I do every year, but this time I took some time to look over the tags on the giving tree to more align myself to the preferences of the kids. I know…no fun for you guys as you read about my adventures into the realm of the unknown to buy for kids I’ve never seen. But this year I wanted to make more of a difference so I looked for tags that might align me with children’s wish lists that were more like me.
Careful…I know what you’re thinking. And no…no science gifts!
One of the children’s wish list I picked from was a girl that wanted a guitar for Christmas and as I had a couple laying around doing nothing I decided that I’d pair down my stock in instruments and give them away to people that would enjoy them and play them more than I did. So, off went a rather large gift that included a new set of strings and a Dean Markley chord book. I threw in a capo too since you never know what key a person sings in unless you know them. One of those things only a player of limited vocal ability thinks of... by the way.
Another request was for a midi keyboard of some kind, and since M-Audio has seen fit to put out a rather decent version last year it was an easy buy for me…and I have to say it was hard having it around the house for a few days and not testing it out. I might have to break down and get one for myself…if I have enough spare change after Christmas that is, but I’d only use it to trigger drum sounds anyways.
And the last thing on my kids wish list, which was provided by a friend who caters to youth in need…baby clothes.
I live in a neighborhood that is I guess upscale, an older part of town that has graceful mansions, accompanied by the rest of us in bungalows and cape cods….homes all built in the 1920’s and 30’s with loving hands and remarkably intact to this day, and to the west of our neighborhood is the previous version of where I live…just a little worse for wear. Homes that have mainly been taken over by landlords of indifference or worse, but homes to people none the less.
It’s always amazed me how a street can come to separate a community, but the street of
Six blocks from my house and across that divide is a little Methodist church built in the 1920’s, and within its walls is a children’s ministry that a friend of mine runs year in and year out.
That church provides the kids in the neighborhood a place that is nonjudgmental and more important, a place that they can bring problems to an adult…and get an adult response that is supportive despite the circumstances.
So entered Mary in my life.
My friend Steve had been trying to get me into the program for a while and since it was Christmas I agreed to talking to some kids with special needs…but I never thought I’d be paired up with a sixteen year old young mother to be.
“Mary needs a face…you know…someone that’s honest about the world that awaits her.”
“And I would know something about teen pregnancy?” I asked.
“Well” Steve said, “You wanted to help.”
“What?…I’m supposed to tell her that she’s doomed to poverty?”
“You’re supposed to tell her the truth about her situation and then perform the miracle” Steve said.
Steve walked away and then in walked Mary.
And so I sat down with someone in trouble, someone that I didn’t know from Adam’s first aunt, and someone that I truly didn’t understand.
I had seen teenage pregnancy before…back when I was a teenager and so I knew all the stereotypes that came with the distinction of being “knocked up” when you were in school…but I was surprised at the support that Steve was willing to give this girl…so I caved and Mary and I had an honest conversation about how she got where she was where she was going. And when I say honest…read brutal…because that’s what our first encounter was like.
Neither one of us understood the other…sort of like two aliens coming to terms suppose. And I have to say that I was angry that someone would have put themselves in the position that this young girl had, and it showed.
“So you’re the guy that’s supposed to help me?’ she asked.
“I don’t know, you tell me” I responded.
“You look all the rest of them, just some guy that doesn’t know what I’m going through. What makes you different?”
“Well let’s see…I’ve never been pregnant when I was a teenager…being a man and all, so that’s a good question. So in answer of fact…I know nothing about you except that a friend asked me to help you.”
“And how is a old guy going to help me.”
And I didn’t have an answer.
Speechless.
I was the judgmental asshole that she expected, and she was the idiot kid that I imagined…and for the first encounter that’s how we left it.
Fishing With History
I went fishing the other day in the afternoon. Usually in Kansas fishing in January is a hit or miss event but I knew that after a warm up that melt the ice off the ponds that I’d have a good day with temperatures that climbed into the 50’s.
I usually get a real urge to get outside after the solstice when the days get a little cheerier with the increased daylight and temperatures. Probably explains a lot about my mood around the holidays when I’m not the nicest in terms of company.
I arrived at the pond around
There was activity from raccoons everywhere which meant that water temperatures were up to the point where the fish would be active and I had a shot of going home with dinner in hand.
Thing is, when scavengers like raccoons are doing well, as evidenced by crawfish shells and empty clams waterside, you can be pretty sure that other things are active in that water as well…such as fish.
When I was a kid we’d never even have thought about fishing in this time of year, as all the pond inhabitants would have gone into a long period of dormancy. But due to the fact of global warming I can visit this habitat and see activity all year round. Not the best of things given that all the species here are very climate driven as to reproduction, but I wasn’t above taking advantage of their non dormant state to provide me of fresh fish.
I was fishing my favorite rig that day, a bamboo fly rod that my father had given me years ago when I had complained of not being able to fish the ponds due to the vegetation.
“You have to adapt to conditions” my father had said as he pulled the rod from its case.
“If you can’t drag through the conditions, you have to float above them.”
I had never seen anything like a fly rig before and my father spent the day with me to teach me how to float a lure onto the surface of the water gently and accurately.
“You have to be patient at this, and practice the skill” my father told me. “But in the end, it will make you a better fisherman overall. “
Since those days I’ve embraced fly fishing and have had some great trips and wonderful experiences across the nation. But the trips that I really remember always involve that original rod. It’s been rebuilt twice, and every time I take it out of its case I remember the day that my dad first gave it to me.
To him I imagine that it was just a piece of a forgotten past and that I would quickly grow beyond it, and truth be told, I bought a lot of expensive fly rods that have accompanied me on a lot of fishing trips, but I never have a better trip than when I drive out to the ranch and pull what is now a sixty year old artifact out of a specially built case and assemble it into the thing that made my father happy on a river…and catch fish…just like him…sixty years ago and a million memories later.
Bad Microbe
A friend of mine in the field of microbiology sent me a piece which concerned a symposium on the subject of microbes and creationism and I have to admit I had a hard time wrapping my head around it when I first read it, but after rereading the various ideas put forth at the meeting I began to see what a problem microbes are to creationism. After all, if you accept that God created all life and that it was perfect in form and function, and that in the days before the fall of man that immortality was the rule…why would you need bacteria and fungus? What purpose would a virus have?
16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. Colossians 1:16
Were bacteria all beneficial to earth at the time they were created, were they necessary as native intestinal flora as they are today, and did they change after Adam and Eve ate the apple off the Tree of Knowledge? You can see that this is all very heady stuff if you’re a creationist, and that it’s important that you concoct some very “Sciency” answers to those questions. So without further interruption from me, your science host, here are some excerpts from that meeting.
For creationists, biblical studies and current microbiological research suggests that factors leading to pathogenicity in bacteria may be attributed to the Fall of man and the Curse on the original “good” creation that is now undergoing decay. The origin of bacterial diseases is complex and multifaceted and may be explained by a combination of factors including mutations, mobile genes, and man’s protective defense mechanisms. The hypothesis is that a common pattern in the origin of bacterial diseases found in many is the modification and displacement of originally “good” bacteria.
A common focus among creationists has been the degeneracy in genomic pathways that lead to pathogenesis. Most bacterial diseases are too complex to be the result of the simple deterioration of a bacterial genome. A more likely genome “recipe” for germ genesis is to reduce, add, and “stir” the DNA. The loss of genomic and metabolic pathways has been typically understated in the evolutionary biology literature. Alan Gillen,
Degeneration in nature? Eek Gads! So the idea is that all bacteria were good, but after man sins against God that the bacteria get punished too? I teach genetics quite a bit on the molecular level because it helps students put their heads around what Darwin was writing in On the Origin of Species and my understanding of a mutating genome involves allowing that organism to fill a niche in the environment or to better compete in that niche, so degeneration is a word that I don’t think I’ve ever used in a lecture. But I promised to be quiet, so here’s some more.
Many pathogenic microbes appear to be altered when compared to non-disease-causing microbes. Creationists suggest that this alteration may have occurred as a result of the Fall. However, some microbes may cause disease not because they are altered in some fashion (through genetic changes) but because they have spread to a location which allows them to invade an organism they were not created to interact with. Joseph W. Francis, The Master’s College, Santa Clarita, California
Oh, so now God did create pathogenic bacteria, but segregated it from the garden so Adam and Eve wouldn’t fall prey to the geographically disadvantaged microbes, and if they weren’t created to interact with a particular organism…why can they? You can see why I had to read these statements several times to untwist the logic. But I digress.
Fungi are amazing organisms. As a group, they have colonized practically every ecological niche on earth. Originally created “very good,” certain fungal interactions have degenerated over time resulting in serious human and animal diseases. Fungi are also capable of producing powerful compounds called mycotoxins, which are products of the nonessential processes of secondary metabolism. Mycotoxins are a type of secondary metabolite, and as such are not normally required for normal growth and reproduction. In fact, one particular mycotoxin, ergot alkyloid, may have been the cause of the Salem Witch Trials. Consumption of ergot alkyloid can result in hallucinations, convulsions, and gangrene of the extremities. Other mycotoxins are potent carcinogens, while others are immunosuppressive. However, other secondary metabolites are useful. Many antibiotic drugs including penicillin and cyclosporin are secondary metabolites. Likewise, many cholesterol lowering drugs are based on the “statin” class of secondary metabolites.
Fungi have been important in agriculture for centuries as both commodities and crop pests. Much of our understanding of fungal biology stems from research on plant pathogenic fungi. Since the Fall, many plant-fungal interactions have deteriorated into parasitic and/or pathogenic relationships: biotrophic, hemibiotrophic, and necrotrophic interactions. These interactions result in famine and potential contamination of crops with toxins harmful to humans and animals. Also of concern is the expansion of medically relevant fungi. Fungal pathogens are difficult to treat in humans and animals due to the similar biochemistry of fungal and animal systems. Recent research demonstrates a possible mechanism for the rise of animal pathogenesis in fungi: co-opting of environmentally relevant survival mechanisms for survival in the host environment. More research is needed to elucidate the means by which these originally “very good” microorganisms devolved into the destructive pests and pathogens they have become. Ira S. Loucks, Independent Scholar
Here’s the de-evolution idea again, with an even more centrist agenda, that age old argument that if its bad for humans it has to be pointless in the real world of the organism. Here the author states that mycotoxins are nonessential products of secondary metabolism. They cause cancer, suppress the immune system and other horrendous things…so they must be a product of the “fall”.
Well here’s the thing…if you were to look at mycotoxins from the view of a fungus you’d begin to realize that these are very handy weapons designed to kill other forms of life which is then used by the fungus as a convenient carbon source. So if the “fall” was indeed the cause of mycotoxins then fungi everywhere are probably singing a hallelujah to heaven for creating two stupid humans who ate an apple and made life better for fungi everywhere.
These are only a few examples of the wackiness to be found from the Proceedings of the Microbe Forum, June 2007. If you’d like to look at the rest of the pieces they can be found at;
http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/arj/v1/n1/proceedings-microbe-forum
Be sure to take a couple of aspirin before you read it though because I guarantee that you’ll have a headache if you don’t.
The Little People
Sadly, with all the work that I had to get through last week, coupled with me getting the flu…despite getting a flu shot, thanks NIH for missing half the strains this year…I missed this next story which I should have put on the blog in time for Saint Patrick’s Day.
The story concerns the discovery over the past few years of a species of humans that existed about 18,000 years ago on the islands of Palau, which is interesting given the reasoning behind the existence of this humanoid specie.
“Populations on isolated islands with limited resources often evolve short statures.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/18/science/18litt.html
So there you have it from scientific experts in their fields…there are leprechauns! After all Ireland is part of an island nation of limited resources, especially if you recall the potato famine that all but wiped out Ireland after a fungus that originated in Mexico devastated the potato crop from 1846-1849. So defacto, this proves the existence of the “wee people” that are found in the lore of the Irish and will only intensify the search for their pots of gold, to be found at the end of the rainbow.
You have to love science when it proves the existence of leprechauns…makes me proud to be a scientist after all.
Hope you all had a happy and safe St. Paddy Day, and I hope that the green beer has worked it’s way through your system by now. That I'm even posting this means that the codeine that I've been taking hasn't left my system yet... Bail ó Dhia ort
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Symphony For David
It was time to suffer through another session of middle school band concert that my son, the baritone player, played in last Thursday night, and while I was there I ran into Derek’s father David who had just returned from Iraq after a sixteen month long deployment. As usual we sat in the back rows of folding chairs since wooden seats designed for 11 to 14 year old kids just never fit our rather decidedly adult proportions.
“David! Good to see you back…how long have you been here” I asked.
“Just got back a few weeks ago man, good to see you too.”
I motioned towards the stage and asked him “Are you ready for another round of “Cacophony Symphony?”
“Will, this is going to be the sweetest sound in the world, kids playing music without a care in the world” he replied.
As I looked at him he smiled and nodded, and his look told me that he wasn’t joking, he was going to enjoy hearing his son play the violin no matter how badly our kids butchered the music.
Between the 6th and 7th grade bands performances there was a five minute setup period as the band directors jockeyed the chairs and percussion instruments into place for the ever complex musical offerings to follow.
“I ran into your wife at school and the grocery store some while you were gone, and she said that you were seeing some heavy combat. She looked pretty worried.”
“Yeah” he said, “I sign up to be a tactical analyst and wind up on a 50 cal machine gun while the rest of our crew does house to house in the middle of the night. Don’t get me wrong, we did our jobs…we came home, but it was quite a switch from what I was good at…you know.”
“I can’t imagine putting a pharmaceutical rep on a machine gun” I replied, “Crazy.”
We listened to the 7th grade band perform and during the next set up period David leaned over and asked me if I’d interacted with Derek at all while he was away.
“Yeah, Derek dropped by the house a few times while Colin was there” I said. “He’s a good kid, but we didn’t talk you that much…I just asked how you were…I really didn’t know what to say.”
“I’ve been having some issues…you know…and I don’t know how much of that got translated in our communications from over there” David explained.
“They’re helping you with that aren’t they” I asked?
“Get this” David whispered, “I went to the VA the other day sign up for a session with the therapists, and I find out that I can get right in…because I’m an Iraq vet…but that means that they’ll bump a guy from Vietnam. That’s wrong, so I left. That’s just not right man…a guy from Vietnam and they’re OK with me bumping HIM?”
“That’s bullshit” David added.
The 8th graders had started playing and David’s gaze was fixed on his son, playing a fugue that sounded sweet and clear.
David’s eyes were teary and fixated on Derek, so I turned away and wondered if they were tears of frustration or of joy at hearing that wonderful sound of children being children and exploring the wonder of music. Safe, and secure, and pure. All things that I was sure David wasn't.