Welcome

Welcome to the new diggs, I’ll be ironing out the adaptation bugs for a few weeks but I’m glad that you found my new blog home.

I’ve posted the Mary series as a start and might post some highlights of the past in the next couple of days. I just hope that the molecular pictures work well in this forum since my trip to NASA a few weeks ago introduced me to some interesting new molecular forms. Have some video of that visit too, plus for all you radio heads out there I have a do it yourself project that allows you to listen to the electromagnetic signal being transmitted by both the sun and the planet Jupiter. Caruso and I will be attempting to build a solar/jovian receiver in the next few weeks…so there will be no end to the geekiness around here for a while. Find your old pocket protectors, your geeky glasses held together with scotch tape and a paper clip, and join the fun.

Cool Down

“So how was it?” I asked. Knowing full well what childbirth was all about…confusion, mind searing pain and hopefully a good aftermath.

“You have to be kidding” she responded, and she gave me a look that only a mother could give.

“Yeah” I said, “my first wife almost died giving birth to my son while I was standing in a corner in the room, so I understand a little about process, but I’m glad that you’re OK. What can I do for you?”

“I’d die for a Coke.”

“Um…I can’t do that” I replied “I’d be in big trouble if I did. I could put in a word about an extra Jello cup.”

“You have that kind of pull here…an extra Jello cup” she asked?

“Well not me” I answered, “but Sheri could pull some strings for you…maybe even get you some extra broccoli.”

“Yuck” she said “why would you do that to me?’

“Cause I can” I laughed.

“Your wife is nice…she stopped by a while ago…just to say hi and see how things were going.”

“Well I told her you were here, and since she does rounds in the hospital anyway she told me that she’d check up on you. Since we both have a lot invested in you.”

“Invested in me…what does that mean?” Mary asked.

“Let me put it this way” I began, “Sheri can tell when we’ve interacted, because you usually drive me nuts…thus she’s put up with you too…in a nondirect way of course.”

“But I’m glad she came to see you.” I said.

“Drive you crazy” she said, “I think that you should look in the mirror before you accuse other people of that. Will, you can drive a person nuts yourself you know. Anyway, your wife is awesome and it was nice that she’d take the time to stop in to talk to me and see how she could help.”

“She didn’t happen to mention any dinner plans did she” I asked?

Mary thought to herself and replied “No, but that means that you forgot!”

“God Will…you forgot your plans for dinner with your wife” Mary asked?

“Hey, don’t look so happy” I shot back.

Mary got a delighted look on her face… “You were telling the truth, you really are a screw up aren’t you?”

I smiled and turned towards the door, “No extra jello for you today.”

The Final Round

“You’re home for a while then” she said?

“Yeah, every now and then I get tired of sitting in airports and sleeping in strange places so I come home for a bit” I joked.

“Where were you this time” she asked?

“Portland…which was great because I have a friend there that I stayed with, and we got to hang out for a while…relax.”

She was more talkative than she had ever been since I’d met her, so I decided to get to the point and ask her about her sessions with Kate.

“That guy that does the posters” she asked?

“Gary…the illustrator…yes. He’ll be coming through town on the way to Austin in March if you’d like to meet him.”

“That would be cool” she replied, “I’d like to do that…you know, for a job.”

“How are you and Kate getting along” I asked?

“She’s nice, and she helps me with Mom and stuff.”

“And how is that going” I asked?

“Mom went with me to see Kate this last time, and at first it was hard to have her there…but Kate got Mom to talk about when she had me and my brother and what she’s been through. I didn’t know…and I felt bad for her…you know, that Mom took that all on.”

I nodded, not knowing what to say.

“Kate’s helped because Mom and I don’t fight anymore…I guess we’ve got more important things to do.”

I started to laugh and it took Mary by surprise since it should have been a solemn moment I suppose.

“What are you laughing at” she asked?

“Just at the wisdom beyond your years that just came out of your mouth” I answered.

“Most people never understand what a waste of energy fighting with another human being is…especially with family.”

“I guess you’re right” she said.

“Oh I know I’m right because I’ve been guilty of it in the past” I said.

“You” she said incredulously?

“I’m guilty of a lot of things” I replied, “And I’ve failed people in the past far more than you ever will from what I can see of you.”

“Wow, I never thought I’d hear you say that” she said. “You, a failure?”

“Sometimes it’s the problems in life that define us Mary…the overcoming of those failures. It forms us into the person that we’d rather be. Failure isn’t a bad thing I guess, but you have to act upon it to correct it. Understand?”

“I guess so, but being pregnant is.”

I interrupted her because in that split second I could finally see her clearly in my mind, without the interference of the past that I had brought to the table.

“Mary, you being pregnant isn’t a failure, it’s just a fact. Where you go from here is for you to decide…what I’m saying is, you define yourself and build off the past, and if you make a choice to be different…that’s a positive step that you can be in control of.”

“The failure would be not to realize that you can be different…and if I implied that in the past…then I owe you an apology.”

She didn’t say anything for a while and just stared at me.

“Maybe you should see Kate too” she said.

I smiled and my mind floated back to a car ride I took with a priest friend of mine out to a cemetery…”I have a guy I can go to” I replied. “Finish your spring roll.”

Round 7

“I’m really nervous about this” she told her mother “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“All you have to do is talk about this” her mother told her.

“But it’s so…you know.”

“What? Embarrassing for you? I was pregnant with you when I was sixteen.”

I sat back in my seat and could hardly believe what I was hearing out of Mary’s mother as we sat in the Planned Parenthood waiting room.
”Let’s just wait for the counselor” I suggested “and we can all relax at that point.”

“I don’t even know why you’re here” Mary’s mother commented as she stared at me “we can get through this ourselves.”

I wanted to say that I was there to try to break a pattern of poverty but I bit my tongue and just took the shot, simply smiling and nodding passively.

“Mary asked me to be here…and what the heck…what did I have to do on a Saturday other than this” I replied.

I continued to flip through a two year magazine as we waited for the counselor and finally we were called into a small office.

“Hi my name is Nicole and I’m here to help you in your decisions” said the cheery twenty something that met us at the door.

“I’m so glad to meet all of you” she went on as we entered the room.

“So you are Mary and you’re the mother and you’re the father…and that’s great that the whole family is together in this to make decisions” she babbled on, “lots of times we don’t get family support.”

At that point I could have strangled our “counselor” but I simply told her that I was just a friend that was there to support Mary and I would appreciate being “not” a part of the family.

“So you have no legal authority” she asked?

“No” I replied, “none whatsoever.”

“Why are you here then sir” she asked?

Mary finally chimed in and told the counselor that she had asked me to sit in the session and I promised just to remain quiet and just be there for support.

After sitting quietly and listening to the pregnancy counselor and all her options, we left the place and I wanted to say something immediately in the parking lot, but I chose a wiser course and told Mary that we’d talk again later. Maybe over lunch at Malik’s place, another ethnic place that I’ve been to enough to be a regular and thus have the reputation as a nice guy who if seen with a pregnant teenager, wouldn’t be the primary suspect.

“Did this help you” I asked her?

“I guess so” she said.

“Adoption” I asked?

“That and the other option” she said.

“What other option” I asked?

“Abortion…you were in there with us!”

“Yeah I was there, and I heard the option, and it’s your choice in the end.”

“But it could end here, and my life would be back to normal’ she said.

“Mary, you’re past the point of no return in this thing, and regardless of your choices no one is getting out of this without harm. That’s just the way it is. I think the point is to do as little harm as possible at this point.”

She got my point and we agreed to meet again before she made a decision, and I prayed that she’d keep the date.

And so the ultimate solution had reared it’s head and I simply saw a scared kid who wanted desperately to return to normal, except I knew that abortion is anything but a return to normal, as most women that have them later come to regret them and the guilt…well…we all know where that leads.

Round 6

“Eww! What is that?” she asked.

She was looking at a bowl of steaming Mien Ga which had all my favorites in it, including shrimp meatballs, squid, and shrimp along with cellophane noodles.

“Its food” I responded “get over it.”

“You didn’t order me that did you?”

“No, I told them to bring you the tripe” and at that I had to chuckle at the look on her face.

As soon as I’d said that her lunch appeared which was a delicious looking Vietnamese version of a hero sandwich which consisted of grilled pork, onions and peppers.

“This is a sandwich” she bluntly stated.

“I thought that you might be more comfortable with a familiar format since this is your first visit to My Canh” I said. “If you want some dipping sauce just tell Trinh and she’ll be happy to get some for you.”

As I tore up some licorice basil leaves into my soup and pondered the choices of nuoc cham on the table that day she continued with her objections as to my choice of restaurant that day.

“Why would you even think of eating in a place like this?” she asked.

“Take one bite out that sandwich and I think you’ll understand” I responded.

She went on complaining “This place smells like…like.”

“It smells like fish sauce…nuoc mam in Vietnamese. It’s very potent but you get used to it and eventually come to like it. It’s an acquired taste.”

“So how do you know so much about Chinese food?” she asked.

“Vietnamese food…don’t call it Chinese because it’s completely different…please.”

“OK, OK, Vietnamese food, why are you so picky?”

“I’m not, the people that own this restaurant are, and the owner is standing over your shoulder right now” I said. “Trinh, meet Mary, Mary …Trinh. Sorry for bringing a heathen into paradise, and hey, thanks for the squid.”

“No problem Will, we know you like the eight legged protein” Trinh joked. “Someday we’ll get you to eat the pho tai sach.”

“Tripe? No way in hell” I responded and with that Trinh smacked me on the back of the head.

“You are the 80% gourmet Will” Trinh laughed, “and we’ll always be here for you to take you the rest of the way.”

“So he eats here a lot?” Mary asked Trinh?

“Will is a regular customer from long ago” Trinh replied, “he’s been with us from the beginning and my brother and I broke him of his addiction to fried chicken and hamburgers years ago.”

“Very funny” I replied as Trinh smacked me again.

Trinh went on to explain “when my family and I first moved here we opened a little café and he was one of our first…well…local customers, and my brother and I refined his taste in food to the point that he can’t live without us anymore.”

“It’s your mother that I can’t live without” I replied, “and her tenderloin and carrot stew. By the way where is she?” I asked.

“In the kitchen as always” Trinh replied, “you should go say hello and tell her how that marriage is going Will…she was worried about you for a while…she thought about hooking you up with my cousin once.”

Trinh laughed at the thought and told me that she’d watch over Mary so I ventured back to the kitchen to say hello to her mother, who was wielding a huge cleaver as she expertly cut up a pork shoulder for the grill.

“Danh tur! No one tells me that you here…you try this…you try this.”

She motioned to a plate that held a few narrow spring rolls with what looked like a new dipping sauce.

I dipped the spring roll into the sauce and bit off an end, and the most incredible shrimp taste filled my mouth followed by the most incredible burning sensation I had ever tasted.

“Shrimp mousse roll with chili” Trinh’s mother said.

My eyes were watering from the heat and Trinh’s mother gave me that “I got you” raised eyebrow look and spooned me a lychee to kill the heat while saying “I work on that for menu, what you think?”

Blinded by the heat I nodded my head and left the kitchen to finish lunch and my conversation with Mary.

When I returned Trinh took one look at me and said, “Oh no, she didn’t get you to eat those did she?”

I just nodded as Trinh returned to the kitchen to apparently have a good laugh with her mother about the idiot that would eat anything…well anything but tripe.

Mary had made progress on her sandwich and was impressed by the quality of the food. “This is good” she said’ and your friend is really nice. You brought me here for a reason, right?’

“I brought you here to see that you’ll have to adapt to the unfamiliar, and I

also wanted you to see real family…because this is the real deal. You see that kid playing over there? She’s Trinh’s daughter, and the people in the kitchen are Trinh’s parents and the reason that they’re happy is that they have family.”

“Mary, you are about to enter into the most challenging period of your life and I know something about it…because I’m a father and I entered into it on the best of terms and was still overwhelmed by it all. You are entering into this thing alone and you have just your mother for support.”

“So I hope that you see the support that family can give, and I hope that you can accept the fact that your life is going to be very different from now on. Eat the rest of your sandwich.”

“Is that really squid?” she asked.

“You want to try some?” I said.

“Yeah…I guess I could try.”

Round 5

“How was your weekend” she asked me as we sat across the table from one another?

“Great” I said, “I went fishing and it was relaxing.”

“Fishing?”

“Yeah” I said, “I do that from time to time…fish. You throw a hook in the water and you see what bites…or what doesn’t. It’s a lot like dating, which frankly I’m glad to be rid of.”

She sat in her chair and didn’t get the joke, and once again I knew I was in for a rough session with her.

“Why do people fish when they could just go to the store and buy fish?” she asked.

“Only people that haven’t fished in their life ask that question” I said. “If you tried fishing you might understand.”

“That’s stupid” she said, “to go out and kill things.”

“That’s the nature of life…you sustain yourself off the hierarchy of life that’s available for you.”

“What did you have to eat this morning?” I asked her.

“I had MacDonald’s.”

“And nothing died in that scenario?’ I responded.

“If you call an unfertilized egg dead” she said.

I had to laugh because it was the perfect comeback. She had me.

“I’ve never seen you laugh before” she said.

“Really, because I’m a pretty happy guy.”

“Not with me you’re not” she shot back.

“I suppose that’s the truth” I said” but truth be told…I have never been as angry with anyone in my life as I am with you. You should have known better. You should not be here sitting in front of me. You’re smarter than this, and I can tell.”

“I’m a good student, a good person and you should see that” she said as the tears started to flow.

“That’s what I don’t understand” I told her, “How you could put yourself in this position, and why we’re sitting here now. I don’t get it given the fact that you just made a biologically accurate egg joke.”

“I learned that in science class, and I know that you were a scientist once.”

“I appreciate that’ I told her “and thanks for thinking of me.”

“Can you really help me? Because you’re the only person that really takes the time to hear me anymore. My mother just yells or isn’t there, and the counselor at school has written me off already.”

“Its up to you” I said “but I’ll try to help if I can.”

We talked for a while longer about her options and about more importantly her baby’s options.

“I never thought I’d see you laugh” she said.

“Stranger things” I said. “Stranger things.”

Round 4

“So you’re back again…I’m surprised actually, after our last session.”

She glared at me and if looks could kill I wouldn’t be writing this.

“And where is the father?” I asked.

At that she lowered her glance and for the first time since we had met I felt a little sorry for her because I knew if the father didn’t show at the next meeting that it would prove that I was right about him and that she was wrong. And I wanted to be proved wrong in that.

“He had to work” she said, and again she didn’t make eye contact.

“OK, lets move on from there” I replied, “and lets sort this pact out ourselves because I feel bad about how we left things last time we met.”

“I’m a guy that never got a girl pregnant until I was thirty four and to tell you the truth, this whole thing just pisses me off so badly that I can’t believe that I’m sitting here talking to you. There…it’s off my back, I said it, so now at least I can move on.”

“I mean, when I was a teenager it was pointed out to me that education was the primary motivation…not children. I took that to heart and now what I’m doing? Sitting down with you.”

“I don’t want to be here either” she shot back.

“So why are you?” I asked.

“Because I need a person to talk to” she said, and at that she started crying.

“I don’t want this to happen to me” she blurted out.

I sighed and slumped back in my chair because I realized that she had finally come to terms with the reality of the situation in front of her.

I handed her a tissue and waited for her to gain her breath before continuing.

“No one will talk to me anymore” she said, “It’s as if I don’t have any friends.”

“What do you mean…they won’t talk to you anymore?” I asked.

“My friends, the people that I used to hang out with, …they act like I don’t exist now, and I have to talk to someone.”

“Mary” I asked “how do you see yourself?”

“As you were before or as you are now?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“You’ve changed” I replied “Because you’re pregnant, and because most kids of your age understand that’s a bad choice. What do you want me to tell you? That life’s all cherries and roses? You’re pregnant!”

“Sheesh!”

For once she didn’t have a comeback, and she sat there in her chair deflated, and the thought that I’d pushed her too far popped into my head.

“Are you alright?” I asked her.

“Are you alright?”

“Why are you talking to me?” she asked.

“Because I have nothing to gain or to loose in all of this” I replied.

“I am simply here.”

“So you’re not my friend?” she said.

“That’s up to you.”

“If you want a friend in all of this…I told Steve that I’d be there for you. But it’s up to you, and you have to make a call…because I see this going nowhere without a commitment from you.”

“And why are you doing this for me? What do you get out of this?” she asked.

I thought back to when I was sixteen and immediately had an answer.

“I could have been where you are now, admittedly on the other side of the gender spectrum…but dealing with the same problem.”

“So I’ll support you in any intelligent choice that you make, and I’ll criticize any stupid choice you make. How’s that?”.

She finally said OK.